


Needed to be Near You

by thenakednymph



Category: Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: Angst, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, I Don't Even Know, I don't know you guys, I just felt like I needed to write this, I just have a lot of Jaal and Ryder feels and needed to cry about it, flangst, responsibility sucks, sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-29
Updated: 2017-05-03
Packaged: 2018-10-25 06:10:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10758336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thenakednymph/pseuds/thenakednymph
Summary: Lonely and full of heartache Ryder finds herself curled up outside of Jaal's door.





	1. Chapter 1

Sara slides down the wall outisde Jaal's door with a wince, her legs weak and giving out beneath her part way down. She hits the floor with a solid thump. Everything hurts and she's exhausted. Nothing her father had taught her had prepared her to be Pathfinder. Not by a long shot. It wasn't supposed to be her job in the first place. She wasn't cut out for it. And yet here she is. Six hundred years from home in a strange galaxy sitting outside the bedroom door of an alien she may or may not be in love with. Or maybe that's the exhaustion talking.

She's painfully lonely and drained and god damn terrified that she's fucking everything up. Normally she'd talk to Scott until she felt too hollowed out to hurt anymore. But that's no longer an option.

Her eyes sting as she remembers her brother lying in a bio-bed on the Nexus. How much longer until they can wake him up? The thought bothers her, leaves her wondering how much of her life she'll live out without him there. It's strange. He's always been there with her, attached at her hip, good and bad they were inseperable. And now that he's in a coma she feels like she's missing half her soul. She's strangely vulnerable without him. It scares her. More than she'd like to admit.

Arms and legs akimbo she lets her head thunk back against the wall, rubbing at her eyes until they hurt, using the pain as an excuse for the tears. Stars she needs sleep. Every limb feels like it's turned to rubber and her head is throbbing. She probably should have swiped that bottle of whiskey from the kitchen when she saw it earlier. Now she's too tired to bother.

As much as she'd like to find comfort in the bottom of a bottle she knows it's a bad idea. There are some footsteps she'd rather not follow in. So she's on to the next best thing. Which is apparently Jaal.

She doesn't know if he's was inside but just being near his space is helping. Oddly enough his presence is the only thing that does. Maybe it has something to do with his natural bioelectrisity, maybe she's just lonely and in need of company. Maybe she just misses Scott.

Her hand flexes idly by her side. She really misses that bottle.

Ryder turns her head and stares at her empty hand. Her father would never have approved. Not that he approved of anything she ever did. She'd never been good enough for him. Not fast enough, not strong enough, not smart enough. And now she's stuck in his shoes. Shoes that rightfully belonged to Scott. Or Cora. But not her. She was a scientist, not a soldier. But now she doesn't get a choice.

Her hand curls into a fist and she hits the floor, tears rising unbidden to her eyes. With the weight of over twenty thousand lives resting on her shoulders and the guilt eating her alive it's no wonder she can't sleep.

The door whisks open beside her and Ryder jumps, nearly falling over and scrubbing a hand over her face to hide her tears.

“Ryder?” Jaal stares down at her, blinking in surprise, apparently not expecting to nearly trip over a human pathfinder sprawled out in front of his door. She forces a smile, eyes red and half closed.

“Hey Jaal.” Her words are slow, thick with lack of sleep and unshed tears. He crouches down beside her, apparently worried at something he sees in her face. She flushes and looks away. Maybe coming here was a bad idea.

“Are you uwell?” The low rumble of his voice makes her feel oddly warm and it's hard to look him in the eye.

Ryder sighs. “Yeah, I guess you could say that,” she admits. “Haven't been sleeping well.” In spite of her decision to linger outside his door she was hoping not to run into him. It seems silly now.

“And you are sitting outside my room because?” he asks slowly. A glance at his face reveals he's not mocking her, just curious, and more than a little concerned.

“Needed to be near you,” she mumbles, too tired to be embarassed. Not that it stops her from mentally kicking herself for actually saying it outloud. Jaal stares at her in that way he has, taking her apart and putting her back together again like a piece of tech, apparently displeased by what he sees. Not that she can blame him. She's a mess.

Already up to her chest in honesty Ryder figures a little more couldn't hurt. “ s'only thing that helps.”

Jaal humms thoughtfully, extending his hand to her. It fells like a silly thing to notice, but he isn't wearing gloves and she realizes she's never seen him without them before. “Then the least you could do is come inside.” His voice is gentle, understanding and she nearly starts crying again.

She stares at him, and it takes her a minute to process what he's said. She puts her hand in his and let him pull her to her feet. She stumbles sideways, careening into him and Jaal all but picks her up, taking her inside. She tries to protest as he helps her to the bed, but she's so tired and his hands are warm. He removes her shoes, setting them aside and tries to coax her into lying down.

“Sleep Ryder. It will all be there in the morning.”

She isn't sure if he means her things or the responsibility her father and the Nexus have placed on her. Both probably. She swallows thickly as Jaal tucks her in, her eyes following him.

“'m sorry,” she mumbles, not sure what she's appologizing for.

“Hush.” He strokes her hair, his hand lingering on the side of her face. “It will be all right. Just get some rest.”

She may have grumbled something in return, but with the hum of Jaal's bioelectrisity thrumming through her and the warmth of his blanket tucked around her, she's alseep in minutes.

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

 

Ryder wakes to the sound of Jaal tinkering on something or other at the workbench, his presence a comforting weight in the room. She stretches, slow and languid, content in that moment between sleep and full wakefulness, letting out a low hum. She feels better than she has in weeks. And that's when she panics.

She bolts upright in bed, staring at Jaal with wide eyes. “Stars, how long have I been asleep?”

He seems unaffected by her sudden outbursts, continuing to fiddle with the sights on a kett assault rifle, hardly sparing her a glance. “One of your day cycles and part of a night.”

Sara curses and throws off the blanket., kicking her feet to try and free her legs. “Why didn't you wake me?” she snaps, finally managing to roll of the bed. “I don't have time for this, we have to find the Meridian.” She heads for the door, headed for her room to get a fresh set of clothes. “...and then there's the turian arc, and we _just_ found evidence that the salarian arc-” Before she can reach the door a big anaran arm scoops her off her feet, and she lets out a horrified shriek as Jaal bodily carries her back to the bed.

Her face burns as he plops her back down, her body bouncing once at the impact. He stares down at her and Sara's mind runs a thousand miles a second in all the wrong directions.

“No.”

She blinks up at him, struggling to form words. “I beg your pardon?” she stutters, fingers curling in the blanket.

Jaal crosses his arms and Sara swallows thickly. “No,” he drawls, and spirits, it isn't fair for him to sound like that. “I have spoken with Dr. T'Perro,” he goes on, “asked her to speak with the crew so they would not bother you. She agreed.” He narrows his eyes at her and Sara gets the distinct impression she's in trouble. “She has told me you have not been sleeping well.”

Sara grits her teeth, swallowing past the arousal and embarasment. “Jaal,” she warns, “I don't have time for this.” She scoots to the edge of the bed and plants her feet on the ground, rising up to her full height. She expects Jaal to step back, to make room for her, except he doesn't and she winds up standing chest to chest with a solid block of extremely fit angaran who's just as stubborn as she is.

“An average human requires eight hours of sleep a night. You have had six in three days.” He looms over her and Sara finds herself craning her head back to look up at him.

“And how would you know that.”

“SAM informed it.”

Sara glares. “Tattle tale,” she mutters and SAM pipes up to defed himself.

“It was in your own best interests Pathfinder.”

Jaal nods in agreement. “You just slept for fourteen of your hours.” A frown creases his features, shadowed by worry. His posture slackens and he looks away, dropping his arms. “I am...concerned for your health. As is the rest of the crew.” His gaze turns back to her, calm, assessing. “You said yourself that my presence is the only thing that helps. I would say your recent rest is proof enough of that.” Sara flushes but can't argue.

“So that wasn't just a terribly embarassing dream. Great.” She tries to step around him but runs into his outstretched arm again.

“Dr. T'Perro agrees with me that you should spend the rest of the day resting.”

Sara pushes against his arm. “The twenty thousand people on board the Nexus can't afford for me to take a day off,” she snaps, trying to move him out of the way.

“Neither can they afford to lose another Pathfinder,” he says, wrapping his arm around her waist. The words strike a painful chord in her but are spoken with enough sincerity that it lessens the blow. “Either through accident or exhaustion,” he says softly. “You do no one any good when you work yourself into the ground Sara.”

In the end it's the sound of her name on his tongue that makes her sink back down. The steel in Jaal's gaze melts into a fond smile as she does and he nods, apparently pleased.

“Good, I did not want to employ physical force.” He turns and wanders back to the workbench, beginning to tinker again. “Dr. T'Perro said I might have to if I wanted to keep you here.”

Sara scoffs, years of sarcastic banter with her brother rising to the fore before she can slap it down. “Like you could make me.”

“Do not try me Ryder,” he throws over his shoulder and Sara flushes again, biting her tongue to keep from saying anything else even more incriminating. She's in deep enough as it is.

After a few minutes of silence Sara starts to fidgit, her legs bouncing. “So...what is it I'm supposed to do while I'm under house arrest?”

“House arrest?” Jaal asks, his curiousity unsatiable.

“Confining someone to their home as a form of punishment,” she says, but there's a smile on her face.

Jaal's face twists into an expression of confusion. “What is it you are being punished for? This was not meant to be entirely unpleasant; just in your best interest.” His expression shifts and he turns to face her. “You are too hard on yourself.”

Sara rubs her face with her hands and sighs, pulling her knees to her chest. “I know,” she mumbles. “I always have been.” She drops her hands and scoffs. “Dad expected nothing less.”

Jaal seems thoughtful for a moment, leaning against the edge of the table to give her his full attention. “Do you...wish to speak of it? Dr. T'Perro said it might help.”

“She says an awful lot of things.” She doesn't mean for it to sound as biting as it does. Lexi means well, Sara's just not used to having someone call her on her bullshit. And Lexi seems more than willing to for one reason or another. Maybe it's because she's a doctor. Maybe it's because they're friends. Either way, Sara's oddly grateful for it, much as it annoys her.

“That for some reason you seem more open to discussing things with me than any other member of your crew.”

Sara picks up the blanket and wraps it around her shoulders, leaning back against the wall. “Yeah well, you're...different.”

Jaal tilts his head to one side, contemplating. “Is it because I am angaran?”

Sara shakes her head. “No, I mean your personality.” She gestures with a hand. “Who you are as a person is different, not your species.”

Her brows furrow as she shrugs the blanket higher around her shoulders. “You just _feel_ different. And I know that's not very helpful.” Sara chews on her lip for a moment. “It's like...the Tempest is a stretch of rapids, all noise and chaos and power, each person another small wave or bend in the river, adding to the growing cacophony.” She looks up at Jaal, trying to puzzle out what it is she means.

“It's exhausting being surrounded by that all the time. Exciting,” she amends, “but exhausting. And then there's all the expectations and the weight of their hope and need.” She lets out a tired sigh, meetings Jaal's gaze. “But you don't feel like that. Amid the din of the water and the noise you're like a boulder, rubbed smooth and worn with time, ageless.

“You're a foundation of peace sitting below the chaos and the noise. A safe space of grace and tranquility.

“You're soothing in your silence.” She feels like she's rambling, but Jaal is watching her with rapt attention. She ducks her head and looks away, tugging the blanket tighter feeling she's said enough. She's not sure she's gotten her point across but she feels to awkward to continue. Thankfully Jaal speaks to fill the silence.

“That is...the kindest thing anyone has ever said to me.”

Sara feels unduly embrassed. “Well then people should say nicer things to you,” she mutters.

“You're an amazing person and you deserve to hear it.”

Jaal fiddles with some tool, twisting it back and forth in his hands. “I would very much like to kiss you right now Ryder.”

Sara's head spins around so fast her neck pops, her tongue feeling thick and clumsy in her mouth. She can hear her heart pounding in her ears.

Her voice comes out dry and scrathy when she can finally speak. “I would very much like to let you.” She stares at him, eyes wide, pinned in place with anticipation, every part of her wound tight. Jaal fiddles with the tool for a moment more before taking a hesitant step towards her.

“I must admit I am...surprised you've given me your consent.” He actually seems embarassed. Sara's up on her knees on the bed without realizing she's done it, the blanket still around her shoulders.

“I don't know why you're still talking,” she rasps. He smiles, finally stepping up to her, dropping the tool onto the bed beside her. Sara takes a handful of his rofjinn, pulling him closer, impatient and he smiles as she rises up to meet him. He's more tentative than she is, cautious as she slants her mouth aginst his. It takes a couple of small kisses, Sara pulling at his lips, coaxing them with her own before he begins to kiss her back, but when he does her heart races. She pulls a deep breath when his hands slide around her waist, holding her.

They trade kisses back and forth until Sara pulls away, breathless. She sways on the bed, her heands shaking.

“Sara?” Jaal's hands are steady on her arms and it takes Sara a minute to see straight through the spots in her vision, her heart poundig out a jagged rythmn.

“'m fine.” She struggles to catch her breath. “That was...just fun.” She grins and it feels wide and stupid but she can't stop. “You leave me a little breathless.”

“Is that...normal?”

She nods. “It's a good thing. Means I'm having fun.”

“Ah. Good.” He gives her one last kiss before stepping away. “Perhaps we may do it again some time.”

“We could do it now.” She doesn't mean to sound so needy or demanding, but she really wants to kiss him again.

Jaal laughs, his eyes smiling at her as he moves back to the work bench. “Go to sleep Sara, perhaps I will kiss you awake.”

Sara's red all the way up to her hairline and she knows it but she can't stop smiling. “Deal.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uuuuhhhh...apparently there's a chapter two? Surprise?

**Author's Note:**

> And I do apologize for any misspellings or missing words. My spellcheck isn't working for some reason? So if you catch anything please holler.


End file.
